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Sometimes you wonder why
You have lost so many friends
The one whom you can’t put down the phone with
Stands right in front of you
And there is this invisible barrier
Which was never there before
You don’t know what to say
You have no idea who she is anymore

What happened was the past
And memories are the only thing that you can hold on to
Yet it’s not even solid
Now just what is the matter with you
Why is it that others are still carrying on
Moulding their friendships
And you’re all alone
Afraid to talk, to share to care anymore
You’re no longer the person you once was

And you are sure that you don’t like your new self
Boring
Not even funny
You stutter
You lack confidence
You succumb to the slightest tone of anger
You have no opinion of your own
You adapt
You are fine with everything
You have no temper at all
You trust easily
You are sensitive
Easily jealous
You are not yourself most of the time
You are sleepy
Serious

You,you,you
It’s all about yourself
No wonder you have no bloody friends
No wonder you can’t keep friends
There’s no such things as friends
They are only people you interact
Out of necessity
They are the people who sit next to
You in class, in band,
Have lunch together, do homework together
People whom you talk to the phone
So as to find an outlet to vent
Not to listen to them

People who abandon you
Ignore you, pick on you
Stopped their conversations when you speak
Make you jealous with their wacky get-together pictures
Not jealous but unwanted
Now, get it clear
Just who abandoned who?
Did you leave because you are deemed invisble
Or are you simply abandoned?
Does it matter that much?
I mean, ultimately you are alone
And that is gonna sink in

Anyway
Why do you care anymore?

But
What will you do to the old photographs?
Those that remind you of your happy days as the true you?
Those taken when you were still
Innocent
Naive
Unguarded
Stack them altogether and shelve it under the cupboard?
Somewhere deep, hidden and waiting to be forgotten
Just like how the others in your photographs
might have kept you.

YaTing 2:32 AM

#8= Me?
A barristar
that's right.

To be honest, I've regretted not going to Jc for the first three months. My friends all made new friends and enjoyed their Orientation. How fun can it be? Gossiping about teachers, going outings, knowing students from other secondary schools. Upon pondering over it, I knew what I did was right, given the circumstances then.

1) I've got 19 while my good friends are all going good JCs.
2) Dad's not gonna drive me to school anymore.
3) He lost his job (temporary only)
4) Need money for a laptop
5) most importabtly, I've made up my mind about doing Film long ago.

SPH
I came here after two weeks in Jurong and knew nothing. There were no tables to clear, no many dishes to wash. I'm not gonna elaborate on this, but since I'm a slow-learner, it took me some time to adjust. I'm so glad that the people here are so friendly, even the cleaners talk to me. Now, I've been so used to smiling that I can smile at any stranger. My colleagues has been great,helped me along the way and taught me alot of things. The building's rather cool too. It's classified into Annex,Podium and Tower with 8 levels. They have a large and resourceful library, sports facilities including gym, tennis and basketball courts, goalposts in the court so the staff can play soccer too. Recreation activities include pool and billard rooms. Actually, if I were one of the staff, I won't even consider buying anything from the small cafe located at the corner of the canteen on the 7th floor. I could get free coffee from coffee machines anywhere in the office or pay 60cents for one in the canteen. The food in the canteen's cheap, big-portioned and delicious! Since we're such good pals with Ahmad, the malay stall owner, we don't have to pay for food, we barter. Hey, but that's why our service had to be superb. I was pleasantly surprised to witness how my manager learnt the regulars' drinks by hard. Now, I'm beginning to remember too though it may get hard sometimes. It's not only the drink itself we're memorising, it's the size, number of brown/white sugar too. However, the hardest part is remembering those loyal regulars, who came thrice a day. My manager mastered it, expresso in the morning, latte in the afternoon, cappuccino in the evening. C'mon, he works full-time! As time goes by, it's really fun. Imagine staring at the picture of the journalist in the paper, recognising that he's the one who loved our cookies.

Customers
Candice
Now,let's start from the coolest and most intelligent one. Both Kelvin and I liked her and looked forward to her visits. Once, while I was alone, she came over, smiled and said that she's gonna come later and buy something. It was 10pus then, I was supposed to work till 3, but it was extended to 4. I was sorta waiting for her, and hanged out till 5. In the end, I left before she came.
The next day, Kelvin told me that she came shortly after I left and asked where I am. That's so sweet of her, right. Anyway, she came agian while I was alone that morning, and asked if I did wait for her that day. I hemed and hawed, and finally said I stayed till rather late. Did I answer her question? She said she'll come around later, and she did, much earlier.

Kelvin's a sly one. Steven, the dirty-minded uncle, told me that Kel said Candice's figure's good and what la, she's pretty. He's been interrupting my conversations with Candice, and tried hard to portray an intelligent image. I first found it weird when the first thing he said in the morning was: Candice bought blah blah blah today. She came and .... After Steven betrayed him, I was pretty sure that he's carrying a torch for Candice. If I were to be fair and ignore the weird couple-image and career incompatibilities, I'd still hate it if he pursues her. He's already attached. Additionally, he's toying around with another girl who comes frequently to flirt. So much for a 33 year old, average-looking, stomach bulging cafe manager who kept saying I'm prejudiced against him when i spoke honestly. He's always defending himself, saying that many people thought him to be charismistic.

Well, Candice came up with her funny-looking friend whom we all labelled Qmoh. He's got blond curls and wear nerdy specs. I find the sight of him terribly funny and can't stop laughing at him. Kelvin denied calling Candice's friend Qmoh in front of her,even though he's the culpirt. I failed to accuse him cause I was laughing at Qmoh all the while.
Candice: I don't feel like buying anything.
me: Then don't buy lo.
Candice: (glancing @ Kelvin,who's entertaining his one and only admirer) Can meh?
me: Heck it!
.......................forgot what else we chatted..................................

It seems that Candice was too embarrassed to show up with Qmoh again. When she did, she gave a quick smile to me, who was busy hiding and laughing away, and walked away real fast. Kelvin called out for her real loud, only to say hi, while she replied and promptly left. For the next few days, she didn't appear and Kel kept blaming me. We were then speculating that Qmoh might be her boyfriend. Why else would she be so embarrassed, and why did she share a spoon with him?

She came to clear things up.
Candice: Hi
me: hi
me: where's Qmoh? I was wondering.....
Candice: It's natural
me: huh? that's not what I'm wondering. I...
Candice: (rather seriously) No,he's not my boyfriend.
...................she said something about it's bad to laugh at him..............................
Kelvin: She has a penchant for curly hair guys
me: no...i er....yucks No
...................interrupted my conversation again. now they're talking about something I know nothing about.............

The next time she passed by, I said: Kelvin wants your number!(he's right beside me) Her reaction was one of confusion, and left promptly. but Kelvin's reaction was near violent. He accussed me of spoiling his happiniess....lame....


The Fat Indian lady
Right guys, she's okay, she's fine, she's alive and kicking, ad she's back! Bck to buy the exact sandwich, while I was there containing my laughter till she's gone.
Steven: Why you so long never come...
Lady: I was busy.
Steven: Have you been sick?(wahahahahaha)
............fogotten.......................hahaha

She's still a big joke till now. I was eating a sandwich but when i turned away to do something, it was swapped. Now in front of me's a display sandwich... Steven tricked me.
Well, I hope the uncles are not good fortune tellers. Because they predicted that I'll harm the fat lady a third time and she'll finally die.


Pamela
She's not a regular, she's kind of a friend. Been here only thrice, one of those few who drink ice-blended. The first time she came, we chatted for almost half an hour( that's how slack our outlet is @ 7pm) till a customer came. She has become one of my role models. Smart girl form RGS,RJC who scored 4As for A'levels, now applying for scholarship to US from SPH. yes, she's an intern reporter. Her face's published on the first page of tnp on 14th, man, she did a whole month's research on it. wow... More impressively, she works full-time from Mon to Fri and still gives tuition to earn more. Her reason: studying in US costs alot.
Yet, look at me....slack all the way. She's encouraging though, saying that she didn't work when she's 16. She's the only Sph staff I keep in contact via sms besides Sharon, whom I think of at the end of the month when I couldn't finish my voucher. Carmen says she's quite chio too, but I think her pic's badly taken. Anyway, she's one impressive 18 year old.

Sharon
Another cake-lover. She's somehow related to me, but how should I put it. Yeah right, she's my mother's best friend's neice, whom upon her aunt's instruction came up to say hi. Once she bought the cakes however, she got hopelessly addicted. She's one nice person, who'll chat with me and recently, keep asking when I'll quit. Currently, she's on a 3 week vaccation to London, visiting her husband. I think it's so sad la, she's been married for several years already, almost the same time her husband has been overseas. Her hubby's a born in singapore chinese, don't misunderstand, he's her secondary school senior. I guess it must be a sweet romance. One more point, she resembles her aunt so much! even more than her cousins. this is so amazing! Try telling me that my cousin looks more like my mother than me. hahaha....Anyway, I wish her all the best, and I hope she might get me a souveneir from London.

I might not have made more friends than my secondary school pals in Jc. Not evn those who work full-time and earn a double of my salary. But I have to admit taht I like this enviroment and learnt a lot of useful things from work. This expereince is truly enriching, esp for someone who never worked, who's too lazy to do housework, whose younger sis cooks for her. I've chosen a different path for my Jc friends, lost a hell lot of fun, but gained something valuable. I'd still say that this's a pragmatic decision. (I miss Kamal)

YaTing 10:26 PM

#7=SYF Gold with HONORS!!!

To all the swiss band juniors out there, I'm terribly proud of you. You guys pulled it off, wow! This's the fourth consecutive gold medal the band acheived. What a feat! Thanks to chew and the ever-so-famously-nice Miss Seah, and of course, the entire band for all your hard work. I called Zhiyuan and Jocelyn the night before and wished them all the best. Sorry I didnt call the others,cause we talked quite alot and by the time,it's already too late. I'm so disappointed I can't witness your proudest moment, my matriculation's 10-12.Well, I did attempt to call chew, twice in fact, but I can't get through. Chew's okay to me, really, I don't hate him and I hope he didn't. Honestly, he treated me rather well during my time as a leader.(maybe he practised favourtism) Right, juniors, I'll try to return for a visit ok. I missed conducting drills, that's fun! I missed my saxophone, Selmer series 3. Hey SaXy_Moh,SaXy_huI, SaXy_mAy,SaxY_XiAn, let's all go back together and play the magnificent SOLEADO! I'm gonna record it down and burn cds for all of you. swiss_sax rockz! LET'S ALL ROCK and swing oN. Sometimes I really missed you guys and band, it seems that form alot of my memories in swiss...

Meanwhile, I'm in poor health recently. Lost my voice totally today. Now I sound like an eunuch or Eric Tseng. I blame that on the gang I treated to in Spinelli. Let's see, my boss there treated us free drinks and free leftovers. It turns out that I only used $10.40 of my voucher on cakes(i simply love the new cheese brownie!) Somemore we sat there for almost 4 hours, I'm so glad there weren't many people around while we were there, it'll be so humiliating. During the four hours there, the people all went crazy, esp the staff, kept bullying me, at the same time offering us free food and drinks. I think the staff all have a common ambition, that's to make the company bankrupt! LOL

That night, I reached home at 2am after watching vcds at a friend's place. We watched TAXI,TAXI2 AND TAXI3 all at once. I strongly recommend taxi2 and 3. It's do damn cool and funny, imagine an all-action and funny 2FAST2FURIOUS! What a day! The spring chicken we ate, coupled with chilli sauce must have led to my terrible sorethroat. Admittedly, I have to bear some responsibility for ignoring the early syntoms. In the end, I was so sick(plus flu that blocked both my nostrils)that I woke up at 1130 this morning and slpet again from 3 to 8. I wonder how I'm gonna sleep tonight.

I haven't been really sick these few years. Althought this's not so serious, it had to be one of the worse. I have to credit this to my good friend-LIN WEITING! The fengshui cat you gave me during my 13th birthday had served me well. You wanted it to bring me good health cause I've been quite sickly during sec one, and it did. Thanks!!!

YaTing 9:32 PM

YaTing 8:17 PM

#5= VOID
We're all we got in this world,When it spins, when it swirls,When it whirls, when it twirls...

Well, i got into Fsv in Ngee Ann Poly. Funny how everything goes on quite smoothly, I've got what I've always wanted. Yet, I feel no elation. It seems like a natural progreesion, so maybe that sounds okay. But I haven't felt extremely happy for a long long time. Not when I've got my O'level results, not when I got my first pay, not when I got my first mp3, not even when i've got my VAIO. I've been calm all this while, there are a couple of exceptions though, but those were when i'm really down. Now, just what's wrong with me, the last big event that made me really high and excited was when we got Gold in SYF.(the 2004 swiss_winds) (sounds corny?)At times, I feel so empty inside, sometimes so much that I could shed a tear or two.

ps: for those concerned about the fat indian lady in sph: she's okie. Kelvin called me just to tell me that she came and she didn't shed any kilos(good news/bad news). However, she didn't buy anything. no mention of the bread too. =)

YaTing 11:56 PM

#4=Chaotic thoughts...

Eddie and the computers.
I really love EDDIE. He fixed my darn pc , updated my laptop, installed Sims2 and other games on both the laptop and desktop, taught me how to maintain the com and even promised to ask his relative on our behalf to look into my sister's case. Altogether, he spent almost 5 hours in my house, the best part... he accepted nothing more than a mere $50. Thinking about that, I do feel apologetic about not calling at noon, as he asked to. Instead, I went out with a friend that day till 3. Uh-oh...and he called me first, offering to come.

Nostalgia
I was elated to receive Weiting's e-mail yesterday. Really touched that she's still making an effort to maintain/sustain/improve this friendship. Aiyah... feeling nostalgic all of a sudden. The lower secondary days just rulez la. At that time, we were all so wild. Sleeping in class, 'compiling and republishing' our classmates' work, giving funny nicknames to those terrible teachers, recording the amount of times the teacher said 'then' etc. All those things that were gradually lost as we (maybe only me) progress to upper secondary.

Well, it's not that upper secondary wasn't fun, it was just not as innocent as then. Quite different, in taking up certain responsibilities and of course, the joy of learning and reaping the friuts of our labour. I guess the more mature we become, the more we'll reminisce the past. +Quote: 也许我早该知道 永远不变的只是改变 (sounds corny?)

Soccer News
Good news... England thrashed Northern Ireland 4-0! Joe Cole was given his first start and he repaid Eriksson's trust by hammering the first goal of the match, thus opening the floodgates for a massacre of the Irish. I didn't watch the match, but the scoreline's just so cool, England hasn't scored so many goals in a match for a long time. Oh yes, two of my favorite players, Owen and Lampard scored too. Now, the England team's marching towards the 2006 World Cup.

YaTing 10:40 PM

kamal and us! 

YaTing 11:09 PM

jersey no.9 

YaTing 11:07 PM

Sony VAIO 

YaTing 8:35 PM

#3=Quote:the person wearing it IS the trend.

Candice is a very COOL customer la.
She'll usually come by ane look around without really buying. Sometimes,she'll greet the uncles and smile weakly.
Twice, she came in the night when we're almost closed, dressed in a NIKE singlet and other sports suit. The first time, I asked whether she had been playing tennis (Sph is very big, adn has many staff recreational facilities),and she replied Nope,been to the gym. Then she bought a sandwich and asked for my name. She realised that she hasn't bought any money along.(please,she went to the gym k.) Well, she promised to return tomorrow to pay for it. Of course she did...

The next morning, I heard someone call me while I was making some coffee. 'Yating!' I was quite shocked when I saw that it's Candice, but she left promptly after a quick smile,leaving the money on the table. Hmmm...the first one to remember my name.

She wasn't a regular customer, not those who came everyday, but she certainly made a deep impression on me. We always greet each other whenever we met.

One day, she came to buy a sandwich with a friend.
Candice: Hi Yating! (obviously ignoring the uncle)
Me: Hello!
blah blahblah
Candice: So which Jc are you going to?
Me: I'm not going Jc...
Candice: Why? Your results good what.
Me: erm...(i hemed and hawed...)
--------------------------------------------------
Candice: How much is your watch?
Me: ah...a hundred,hundred and eight
Candice: Oh, I just like that it's black.
Me: Yah, but Baby-G's not longer in trend.
Candice: Well, the person wearing it is the trend. (*winks* and off she goes)

I can't help smiling and repeating that same sentence to Kelvin. Now, just why aren't there guys out there who are cute and sweet enough to say these?


ps: I feel taller everyday!

YaTing 3:11 PM

#2=Anecdote

I woke up on Tuesday at 1pm. Switched on my hp and found Kelvin's sms:Call me. Urgent! at 10am. Without even having brushed my teeth I called him, oblivious to the unfortunate news ahead.

Me: Hey Kelvin, what's up?
Kel: (quite sternly) Did you sell a half club sandwich on display?
Me: er...yah
Kel: ... what!
Kel: Didn't you know that it had been on display for one whole week?
(ohoh...I'm dead)
Kel: Why didn't you use your brain? Display how can sell? *#%^*^**&)#%@#$%@$^^@$*&&$@#$!@#%!#$^%!#^%&%^*&%#

OoPs...

So, I thought of how to apologise properly on my journey to work. A proper one will save me from more scoldings, but my colleagues will inevitably tease me about this for at least a week.
As it turned out, they teased me right from the start.

Kel: Who is it that you sold to?
Me: It's the fat indian lady. She wore specs and came with a friend. (no offence)
Steven: Ah...it must be (some name i forgot) She's the one whom you sold the ham and cheese sandwich.

Let's rewind to around one month ago...

The fat indian lady (purely descriptions,no offence to any race or shape) came at a time when there's many customers(known as SLAM).

Lady: Are these the only sandwiches you have left?
Me:(busy) yes.
Lady: Don't you have the ham and cheese sandwich?
Me: I'm afraid it's sold out, would you like to try the other sandwiches?
Lady: erm...no. Can you make one for me from the plain roll?
Me: Okie!
(Silly me, I didn't even know how to do that then, but I agreed to it anyway. Worse, at a time when we have so many customers)

Hence, silly me cut the plain roll into half and put a piece of ham and another piece of cheese in between. The equally blur Steven only asked me about it after I've sold the sandwich. Did you weigh the ham and cheese? It should be @ 50g each. Which meant that there should be at least 2 pieces of cheese and 3pieces of ham.Of course I didn't, and for a long long time, the lady didn't return to buy anything. That's why I almost forgot her, if not for the constant jokes my colleagues played on me about this incident. Poor lady, why did a more unfortunate thing fall on her again, courtesy of the Blur Queen yet again.

This time is worse. She could get food poisoning! Kel kept scaring me that she didn't come again today cause she got hospitalised. And I... the only thing I can do is hope...
Hope that...
1) I've done a good deed in helping her to lose weight if she really did have a stomach upset.
2) She will never find out that the bread is over a week old cause it had been wrapped tightly in a foil and I've got it very well toasted.
3) She'd have eaten something else,even more gross that lands her into trouble, so that it helps to cover my crime.
4) She'll return and say that the sandwich she had eaten is SUPER NICE,and she wants another one.

Meanwhile,the laughter in Spinelli Sph continues...

YaTing 2:32 PM